My Top 3 Weight Loss Spells That Will Instantly Transform Your Body!

Weight Loss SpellsLong story short, I used to be a normal person like you.

When I was 14, a witch cursed me with a spell, and for the next 7 years I’ve been searching for her and trying to get revenge.

Well, the other day, I found her.

She was hiding out in an old cave near the beach, throwing children into her cauldron, flying around on her broomstick, and cackling at an incredibly high pitch. You know, typical witch things.

Weight Loss Spells

(This is what she looked like… Disgusting.)

I snuck inside her cave like the little sneaky-sneak that I am, and I slashed that evil witches throat while she was sleeping.

But get this; as I was staring at her motionless, dead body, I felt a strange power begin to grow inside me.

Did I gain this new power from killing the witch?

Probably, yeah.

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I lifted my hands above my head and said a few ancient, tribal chants, and before I knew it I was transformed into a wizard.

A wizard capable of performing incredibly complex and powerful spells.

Amongst the thousands of death and destruction spells, I even learnt a few weight loss spells.

Yes dear reader, you read correctly; I can use magic spells to help people lose weight.

Don’t believe me? Then you’re a damn fool, and you are not worthy of my magic OR my time.

Weight Loss Spells

(Me after gaining my powers)

Why don’t you make like a tree and get out of here, or I might just get a little bit ANGRY and send a curse your way.

Hopefully all of the non-believers have run off scared for their lives, because I’m about to tell you my top 3 weight loss spells.

All you have to do is shout the magic words as loud as possible, and you’ll lose weight.

It’s that simple.

Let’s begin.

My Top 3 Weight Loss Spells:

1. “Abra kadabra, alakazam, I really want to be thin again!” 

This one is a really good spell, mainly because of the strong magical words you use.

“Abra kadabra, alakazam” is a very powerful phrase, because in Latin it directly translates to “oh god please let this spell work”.

God (or possibly the devil, to be perfectly honest) must have heard our prayers, because this spell works incredibly well!

2. “Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Make me lose weight NOW!”

Wow.

I could explain why this spell is so cool, but you wouldn’t understand as you’re not a powerful wizard like I am.

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Just take my word for it, it’s a cool spell.

And if you put on a thick russian accent while saying it, you’ll lose even more weight.

Again, you wouldn’t understand why even if I explained it, so I won’t bother.

3. “Bibidi babidi buu, why didn’t the other two spells work oh god please let this one work I don’t want to be fat anymore.”

Just like the first spell, the magic stems from the “power phrase” at the beginning.

“Bibidi babidi buu” is japanese, and refers to a bright pink, morbidly obese magician (Buu), who had two homosexual fathers (Bibidi and Babidi), and was capable of performing incredible magic.

Weight Loss Spells

(THIS is Buu!)

According to legend, Buu almost destroyed the entire universe with his magical powers, but was stopped at the last second by the yellow haired saviour Son Goku.

Wow.

Just wow.

If you’re after some more weight loss spells, you can head over to Wiccan Spells; they’ve got a bunch of weight loss spells and chants and other great stuff on their website.

Alternatively, you can sign up to the mailing list below to receive daily weight-loss spells and magic direct to your inbox:

Latest Comments

  1. kshama March 5, 2016

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